This past Sunday after I got myself to the beautiful sands of Santa Monica, I turned my head to grab something out of my bag and when I turned back it seemed the world was spinning around me. I knew this feeling. Back in 2004, I had a 5 day bout with vertigo that rocked me to the core. At that time, it was never really clear where it came from because I hadn’t had a cold or any infections to speak of. After spending three days not being able to do much because I was walking into walls, I got myself to the emergency room where they eventually released me with anti-nausea and anti-dizzy medications. I experienced a few more small incidences over the years but none quite like that time nor the space I am encountering now.
When I experienced this at the beach this past Sunday my first thought was waiting to see if it would pass. Kind of like when an earthquake hits us here in Los Angeles, I wait to see if I need to hustle my butt to a door frame for safety. Well, I waited and it appeared the feeling of sensing I was on a boat and not on steady ground did not seem to pass. I had only arrived at the beach about 20 minutes prior so I contemplated if I should leave or attempt to enjoy a few hours of sun and blue sea. The idea of moving didn’t appeal to me due to my phobia of nausea so I stayed for a bit. I even turned over – you know, the objective of achieving the even tan, and that lasted for a little over an hour. I eventually got myself up and very carefully and slowly got dressed, and walked myself through the sand back to my car. I felt like an alien in my body.
I am not sure how but I safely drove myself home taking quieter, less active streets. When I arrived home, I laid down on my sofa and began contemplating the meaning and purpose of this experience. I felt a sense of peace and resolve. This has really never been my reaction when ever feeling nausea let alone feeling out of control of my body and physical experience. I felt this knowing that it was a message and my willingness and ability to receive that was important.
In the past, I have often rejected discomfort or things occurring that I didn’t plan for or want to be experiencing and despite this definitely being uncomfortable, I just went with it. And I still am. I discovered today that I do have some liquid behind my inner ear – no infection. However the liquid may be causing the imbalance. After some swimming last week in a heated pool and lots of hot yoga, I believe I am a bit dehydrated and maybe a little run down. I am so used to pushing, doing, and always going that it still stumps me when my body is seeking rest. I create time for exercise, meditation, and other self-care regimes so I just didn’t see this one coming. However, that sense of calm that came when laying on the beach feeling the earth spinning was my Inner Knowing saying, “hey, girl, this is for you.” I know that may sound crazy like why would having vertigo be for you, and the truth is I am not completely clear exactly why but here is what I have come up with so far.
– You are in an awesome place of transition and transformation. Coming into balance with ALL of who you are is a beautiful gift for stepping into what is next.
– You often think you need to do it all by yourself. Well you need to eat and you cannot drive so opening yourself up to the Love and assistance of your friends is available right now.
– When you don’t feel good inside you sometimes look to others to “help you feel better.” Here is your opportunity to show up for yourself, love yourself despite how you FEEL. (Take dominion.)
– You ego likes to control things and outcomes. How about if you just be in this place of unknowing and experience not knowing with a little Grace? Perform an experiment like the smart social scientist that you are.
And there are others. The message being there is meaning in all that occurs and we decide, I decide, when to look at it and when to overlook it. And we (I) also decide when to use it for our Selves or against ourselves.
With the assistance of some Loving friends, funny text messages, inspiring en*theos videos, and a deep connection to Spirit, I am going with this one…For me.
For your consideration…