I’m Sorry

Why do we apologize so much?

I recently realized how much I apologize and say “I’m sorry.”  You might be busy when I call you and I can hear it in your voice upon your answering.  I apologize.  Something didn’t come out the way you thought it would and I am involved yet not really responsible.  I apologize.  I decide that I prefer not to do something that I may have agreed to prior.  I apologize.   I am sure many of you can relate.

The thing is, how would I know you were busy when I called, you didn’t have to answer or better yet, how about I just acknowledge by sharing why I called and skip over the apology.  That might feel awkward, right?  When whatever it was didn’t go as planned, how about moving into what’s next.  There are probably great learnings in there for which an apology is definitely not merited.  And the final one, I changed my mind.  That might disappoint someone, but really I may just be taking care of myself in some way, and there is no need to apologize there either.

I understand that we often say and do things unconsciously because we learned them and/or because they are a verbal bridge, you know, like filling in a pause.  I mean, I use to say, “Like, she was all” and “Like, I know.” :-) (Okay, back in the early 80’s) And I also understand that our expression is telling a lot to ourselves and to the universe about who we are, what we are, and what we want.  The word apology by definition means to express regret or remorse for having failed or injured another.  I’d rather reserve the “I’m sorry” for when a real apology is appropriate and needed.

You might be thinking this is kind of silly and it doesn’t mean anything or you could do an experiment with me for the next 2-3 days and see how often you say, “I’m Sorry” or “sorry.”  How many times that you say it, is it truly merited, or are you just filling in space where there might not be any words needed?  Oooh, the uncomfortable silent pause.  That’s what it might feel like.

Let’s do it and report back, please!

For your consideration…

 

Category: behavior, communication, dominion, self-leadership | No comments yet


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