2
July

A critical question to ask yourself…

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This may sound so basic and yet I find in life that the simplest things tend to be the most profound, especially when they are brought forward at the perfect, synchronistic time.

This question was offered to me by my coach and it lives on the chalkboard in my living area. Why? Because I choose to remind myself of this very simple and powerful question.

Where am I coming from?

Right now. In this moment. When I make a choice. Or decide something about myself or my life. When I answer an email. When I speak with someone I love. Or anyone for that matter. Where am I inside? Where am I coming from? What place? What space? What mental thought or emotion?

Think about it.

For a moment.

If we give ourselves the opportunity to ask this question before we act, decide, do…imagine the impact on the outcome.

Tremendous.

If we create the space to intentionally decide where we want to come from rather than being at the mercy of one dimension of ourselves. To be mindful. Thoughtful.

What would that be like? For you?

For your consideration.

2 comments

9
June

Excavation

I don’t like to be advice giving but there are things I am going to write about in this blog that may sound so. We are all in choice, so just remember that I know this.

You have to be willing to go deep, go under the layers, look behind, underneath, deeper, or even further out, if you really want to know yourself. I am not saying you all need to do this or it’s imperative for one to know oneself. However if you have any strands within you that match mine, this is true for you too.

There are so many layers to us and I am not just speaking about layers that come with time on the planet and life experience, or our personality, or stories of heart break, or even behavior patterns. There are depths that come from prior to us even arriving here. Don’t ask me to explain that; I am not there yet. And I know it’s true. At least for me it is.

My point being, we are dynamic, multi-faceted, energy infused miracles of Light and there is so much more to every single one of us then meets the eye. Or ear for that matter. It’s a wonderland, truly. Who we are. If we choose to see it that way.

I am an excavator. I like to dig and learn, and dig some more. Not just about me. For sure. I should have been an anthropologist. We are so interesting. Even those of us that think for sure we are not. There are layers awaiting excavation.

The point of this post is to call this out. Highlight it. Champion it. Because I want to. And also because I am in a really interesting place, where I have space, and time and I like to excavate. Sometimes I can use the findings against myself but I am happy to note that I have learned a few things from a few smart people that have taught me that I also have dominion and discernment. I can choose to receive learnings in the spirit of Loving and appreciating myself more or I can go another path. I have spent many a year down the other path – the self-improvement path, which often came with an obsession of needing to be better or just someone other than who I am. And that’s okay too. It’s all about the learning. I am just more aware now that the excavation doesn’t need to be about rejecting myself, rather about deepening in my conscious connection with who I am and why I am here.

I am excavating a bit right now.

I am learning things about myself that I didn’t know. I am learning that I want to be seen and heard. Not in an egotistical way, rather, in a way that uses my special powers for good. I am learning that I don’t care so much what everyone thinks. I have just carried that belief around for so long that I thought it was still true for me. I am learning that I can change a life long habit through choice and literally placing myself in and out of situations that support that, over and over again.  I am learning that I don’t need to explain myself to anyone. I am learning that I came here to do deep and profound work on knowing my Soul. I don’t know why that is, I just know that it is.

I am excavating and learning. It’s a good thing.

For your consideration…

2 comments

3
June

Finding the Blessing in Vertigo…

This past Sunday after I got myself to the beautiful sands of Santa Monica, I turned my head to grab something out of my bag and when I turned back it seemed the world was spinning around me. I knew this feeling. Back in 2004, I had a 5 day bout with vertigo that rocked me to the core. At that time, it was never really clear where it came from because I hadn’t had a cold or any infections to speak of.  After spending three days not being able to do much because I was walking into walls, I got myself to the emergency room where they eventually released me with anti-nausea and anti-dizzy medications. I experienced a few more small incidences over the years but none quite like that time nor the space I am encountering now.

When I experienced this at the beach this past Sunday my first thought was waiting to see if it would pass. Kind of like when an earthquake hits us here in Los Angeles, I wait to see if I need to hustle my butt to a door frame for safety. Well, I waited and it appeared the feeling of sensing I was on a boat and not on steady ground did not seem to pass. I had only arrived at the beach about 20 minutes prior so I contemplated if I should leave or attempt to enjoy a few hours of sun and blue sea. The idea of moving didn’t appeal to me due to my phobia of nausea so I stayed for a bit.  I even turned over – you know, the objective of achieving the even tan, and that lasted for a little over an hour.  I eventually got myself up and very carefully and slowly got dressed, and walked myself through the sand back to my car. I felt like an alien in my body.

I am not sure how but I safely drove myself home taking quieter, less active streets. When I arrived home, I laid down on my sofa and began contemplating the meaning and purpose of this experience. I felt a sense of peace and resolve. This has really never been my reaction when ever feeling nausea let alone feeling out of control of my body and physical experience. I felt this knowing that it was a message and my willingness and ability to receive that was important.

In the past, I have often rejected discomfort or things occurring that I didn’t plan for or want to be experiencing and despite this definitely being uncomfortable, I just went with it. And I still am. I discovered today that I do have some liquid behind my inner ear – no infection. However the liquid may be causing the imbalance.  After some swimming last week in a heated pool and lots of hot yoga, I believe I am a bit dehydrated and maybe a little run down. I am so used to pushing, doing, and always going that it still stumps me when my body is seeking rest. I create time for exercise, meditation, and other self-care regimes so I just didn’t see this one coming. However, that sense of calm that came when laying on the beach feeling the earth spinning was my Inner Knowing saying, “hey, girl, this is for you.” I know that may sound crazy like why would having vertigo be for you, and the truth is I am not completely clear exactly why but here is what I have come up with so far.

– You are in an awesome place of transition and transformation. Coming into balance with ALL of who you are is a beautiful gift for stepping into what is next.

– You often think you need to do it all by yourself.  Well you need to eat and you cannot drive so opening yourself up to the Love and assistance of your friends is available right now.

– When you don’t feel good inside you sometimes look to others to “help you feel better.” Here is your opportunity to show up for yourself, love yourself despite how you FEEL. (Take dominion.)

– You ego likes to control things and outcomes. How about if you just be in this place of unknowing and experience not knowing with a little Grace? Perform an experiment like the smart social scientist that you are.

And there are others. The message being there is meaning in all that occurs and we decide, I decide, when to look at it and when to overlook it. And we (I) also decide when to use it for our Selves or against ourselves.

With the assistance of some Loving friends, funny text messages, inspiring en*theos videos, and a deep connection to Spirit, I am going with this one…For me.

For your consideration…

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1
February

Powerful Reflections for a New Year

When the new year approaches I find myself having all kinds of feelings. There is nostalgia for the holiday time, heart-opening for the spirit of Christmas and the warmth of the season, excitement for gatherings of friends and loved ones and even some pondering and pause for what the next year will bring. Its inspiring and sometimes daunting. So many of us are thinking about what new commitments or resolutions we will make, we wonder if we will actually see them through this year or perhaps we don’t even partake in that dialogue because we’ve given up on the idea years ago.

Choosing a mindset of optimism I tend to lean into all energy that can move me up and out of my comfort zone. However, I too like to reinvent things and apply a new approach if it seems fitting. I have recently become more aware of energy and how we have a choice to step into that or duck it, both of which may be a good idea depending upon what is going on in our lives at the time.

That being said, I’ve been mindful of the amount of energy that is swirling around this time of year. We may be in different time zones and we may even celebrate different holidays all over the globe but it is the end of one calendar year and the beginning of a new, everywhere. This creates a lot of energy on the planet.  In an effort not to get caught up in the frenzy, overwhelm or even disappointment, I put my new years thoughts on a pause.  Instead I chose to just be in the day.  I wanted to give myself some time to reflect on what I learned last year so as to ground the learnings and perhaps avoid creating new situations to learn them again.

It’s not an accident I waited until the end of the first month to write and share this. :-)

So here are some learnings from 2013 for 2014 and beyond:

My learnings are my blessings. This is a bit of what I mentioned above and I got more clear this year that I have an opportunity as I close out each year to spend time being in gratitude for the gift of my life.  As I become more aware of what I discover and learn each year, I am able to anchor those experiences.  It is often what we choose to be conscious of that soothes us, enlivens us, and propels us.

Family first. It’s taken me awhile to get here and I almost cannot contain how much loving I have in my heart for my family.  It is so easy to judge our families because they are such an awesome and consistent mirror to our own stuff.  All I can really say here is, it’s imperative to do the necessary inner work to remove any blocks from enjoying our families.  If not, we often are working through regrets later when the option is no longer available.

Fear is a compass telling me where to go…if I let it.  This was a new paradigm for me this past year.  As I stepped into creating a business, I began facing some challenges and obstacles.  In that endeavor, fear became a real factor and an indicator of things I needed to look at and walk towards.  Of course if we are in imminent danger, fear is a compass telling us to run in the opposite direction.  However, in this case, fear was really reflecting to me the opportunity I had to walk towards that which I wanted to avoid.  The challenge or thing I felt fearful of was exactly the thing I needed to face, to engage with, and to move through.  By doing so, I would release the fear because the mere act of experiencing it would remove the charge.  Fear is usually a feeling that comes with something unfamiliar or where there is risk involved.  Once we step into and go through it, it’s no longer unfamiliar and the risk is replaced with truth.  We now know by first hand experience what it was we were fearing and the fear diminishes.

The journey can feel as good as the destination.  Who knew we didn’t have to delay a life of joy and peace while we were trying to get there?  This powerful statement was offered to me by Ms Danielle LaPorte as she re-launched her website and The Desire Map.  When I heard her say this and I think she even said it “should” feel as good as the destination.  I thought to myself, “Of, Course!!”  Why wouldn’t we be intending for the journey, meaning today and each present moment to be feeling as good as some forecasted state of being or dream to be realized or goal to be achieved.  I vote for happiness NOW.  I choose Loving today.  It’s not just my future desired state.  It’s my daily intention.  So, if the journey feels like shit, don’t kid yourself that your going to arrive at some point in the future with happiness.  Find your joy in your NOW.

Rebirth each day.  Begin anew.  Why not? This was such a revelation for me this past year.  As I have let go of old beliefs or limiting patterns, I became more experientially aware of what is available to me.  Choice.  This simple word is so powerful.  I realized through some awesome mentoring and coaching that I could start fresh every day.  I could take each day as a brand new gift.  I could lay down whatever got in my way yesterday and choose a clean slate.  No one was really holding my past misses or grievances over my head – just me.  How refreshing?  If you need permission to do the same, Here it is!!

Expectation and worry will zap freedom, creativity, and joy every time.  This was another gem that was reflected to me in various ways from my coach.  As I got into my head about what was next or how to figure out the latest and greatest challenge, that inevitably landed me with anxiety, restless sleeping, or anger and frustration.  To alleviate that I began practicing being more aware of my breath, spending a minimum of 5 minutes a day meditating and envisioning myself being more in my heart instead of my head.  That looked like placing my hand on my heart and taking a few breaths or thinking about things that fill up my heart – my love for my family, my neighbor’s dog, or my best friend’s kids.  There are so many ways to get out of our heads and into our hearts AND it does require choice and action.  My coach taught me the simple and powerful acronym, LSD.  When in doubt try LSD.  Laughing. Singing. Dancing.  Do any one of these and then go create your life.  Pandora serves me in this pursuit daily!

And expectation.  Ugh!  The land of expectation is the surest way to be in disappointment – which stems from judgment of self and others.  It’s really a lose-lose proposition.  If you catch yourself feeling disappointed and you trace that feeling back inside it almost always leads to an expectation that you have placed and if you are like me, it’s often placed unconsciously.  Again, making what was unconscious conscious can be liberating.  Let go of the expectations and BE in the moment.

Healing is the application of loving.  I learned this beautiful principle for the first time in 1998 at the University of Santa Monica and I am really living into it these days.  I think most of us, when we see someone hurting or upset we feel something inside of us, often sympathy or empathy, depending upon where we are at.  And I even believe most of us feel a sense of compassion and yet, most of us do something that is the opposite of loving when we get hurt.  It might be that we judge the way we are feeling – which is the predominant human plague or we stuff it down with some excess, food, drink, exercise, etc.  We don’t want to appear weak or whiny or helpless so we don’t feel it at all or we hide it or hide from it.  Imagine the alternative.  If when we felt bad, we just gave that part of ourselves a little love, a little care, a little breath, a little space to BE.  If we learned that this was okay when we were little ones, I have a feeling there would be a lot less victimhood and self-abuse going on.  Here is a brilliant passage from Geneen Roth’s book, Women, Food, and God.  I read this just this week and thought how freakin’ revolutionary.

“Can you imagine how your life would have been different if each time you were feeling said or angry as a kid an adult said to you, “Come here, sweetheart, tell me all about it.”  If when you were overcome with grief at your best friend’s rejection, someone said to you, “Oh darling, tell me more.  Tell me where you feel those feelings.  Tell me how your belly feels, your chest.  I want to know every thing.  I’m here to listen to you, hold you, be with you.”

“All any feeling wants is to be welcomed with tenderness.  It wants room to unfold.  It wants to relax and tell its story.  It wants to dissolve like a thousand writhing snakes that with a flick of kindness become harmless strands of rope.”

BRILLIANT!

That which you seek is seeking you.  Thank you, Carrie Doubts!  Carrie has reflected this wisdom to me on various occasions and it was also reflected to me from the awesome Rich Litvin when I attended his Prosperous Coach weekends.  Rich shared with us, “you are so much closer to what you want, (what you seek) than you realize.”  That can sound like a cool proverb or positive statement, but I have experienced example after example for myself and others where this is true.  What I really take from it is a sense of calm and excitement at the same time.  The calm that I don’t need to try so hard.  Where I place my intention and energy is also moving towards me or I probably wouldn’t be seeking it. And the excitement for the same reasons – that I am closer, that I can relax into it.

An open heart creates an abundant life.  I sense this doesn’t need much explaining and I also recognize the power of stating the obvious.  This came to me when I recently heard Steve Pavlina speak and share his story of challenge, growth, and now pretty awesome success.  Steve shared many pearls of wisdom and the one that was the most profound for me (probably because it was one I was ready to really get) was the power of an open heart.  He shared that he began to recognize where he wasn’t open and/or was closing himself off to certain individuals.  In his reflection of the notion, when we close ourselves off to one person, we close ourselves off to all, something inside me clicked.  I was immediately called forward to how I embrace certain parts of myself and other parts I diminish and judge.  What I got was the revelation that I was essentially canceling out my loving by withholding my loving in other ways.  And that when I chose to close off to anything, I was closing my heart to myself.  When acceptance is present, I can be free to create, to play, and to move forward.  For me, this is where abundance lies.

What were some meaningful learnings for you in 2013?

Now is a GREAT time to call them out and leverage their energy! :-)

 

2 comments

17
July

for you, for me

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I’m still learning how to do this. It sounds so nice and lovely and yet there are often many distractions between our heart and our Selves.

Our ego which serves us in many ways (living in these human bodies), can also be the louder voice. It can show up as fear, doubt, resistance, reasoning, protection, and many other forms. Some of my favorite thought leaders speak about this so clearly and succinctly, here and here.

Steven Pressfield writes, “A child has no trouble believing the unbelievable, nor does the genius or the madman. It’s only you and I, with our big brains and our tiny hearts, who doubt and overthink and hesitate.”

For your consideration…

PS: Feel free to save the image above if you feel called. I made it with the pic lab app! So much fun!!

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12
July

Trust vs. Fear

My sweet friend reflected to me today that I am doing a trust walk in my life right now. I thought to myself, “yeah, feels more like a trust run!” I am wanting to run to the finish line to keep from feeling the discomfort of the fear and unknown. I bounce between trust and fear it seems, by the hour. I experience total acceptance and confidence in myself and in what lies ahead and then fear sets in and I have these mini panic attacks..where trust, faith, and belief allude me. Of course, I could also bucket it within my mind and say “reason sets in.” And maybe that is partially true but I’ve never gone about things the way most do. I take risks. Sometimes big ones and they don’t always pan out. But I learn and I have no regrets. (Ok, there is one and I will write about that soon.)

Anyways, the motivation for this post is just to call it out for what it is: trust, fear, reason, risk, success, failure or all of the above. My intention is to remember to be in it. To respect the process and to stay awake to the beauty of it all. I’m alive. I’m blessed. I’m in choice and I’m aware of all of that. When I sink back into the fear, my intention is to feel that too. There is no need to reject it. It only holds me more deeply when I do.

Do you know what I mean?

Are you letting fear hold you back in someway because when it’s present you reject it, ignore it or better yet distract yourself from feeling it by engaging in some other behavior that isn’t necessarily serving you? (Unconscious eating, internet mind numbing or TV engrossment?)

I get it. Doing it or done, all the above.

And I’m just putting it out there.

For your consideration…

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11
July

Pushing Your Limits

What’s the most unusual, some what “out of character” thing you’ve done?

Lately?

Are you willing to reach outside your comfort zone? To step into a reality or way of being that isn’t necessarily comfortable for you?

Why?

Why not?

When we allow ourselves the space to reach, to stretch, and to move towards unfamiliarity we are growing ourselves. When we grow, we expand, when we expand we open up more fully to what is possible in our lives. There is so much fruit there.

To have an experience of observing your own expansion is like watching a time lapse video of a beautiful flower blooming. I’m not speaking about patting yourself on the back, like a job well done. (Although there is nothing wrong with that in my book.) I’m bringing forward more, the idea that there is something extraordinary to experience when you step out and up and you consciously recognize that you’ve done so.

It’s the best kind of esteem builder you will ever have and it requires only you.

So take the challenge. Write down 1-3 things that you’ve considered or thought about doing that perhaps fear or discomfort have kept you from. By the way, procrastination is often fear in a bunny suit – it might be cozy and safe and it’s just a resting spot. Create a space to move towards one of the three that you captured. Perhaps tell a trusted friend what you plan to do so you have some internal accountability. See what happens.

For your consideration…

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18
May

I’m Sorry

Why do we apologize so much?

I recently realized how much I apologize and say “I’m sorry.”  You might be busy when I call you and I can hear it in your voice upon your answering.  I apologize.  Something didn’t come out the way you thought it would and I am involved yet not really responsible.  I apologize.  I decide that I prefer not to do something that I may have agreed to prior.  I apologize.   I am sure many of you can relate.

The thing is, how would I know you were busy when I called, you didn’t have to answer or better yet, how about I just acknowledge by sharing why I called and skip over the apology.  That might feel awkward, right?  When whatever it was didn’t go as planned, how about moving into what’s next.  There are probably great learnings in there for which an apology is definitely not merited.  And the final one, I changed my mind.  That might disappoint someone, but really I may just be taking care of myself in some way, and there is no need to apologize there either.

I understand that we often say and do things unconsciously because we learned them and/or because they are a verbal bridge, you know, like filling in a pause.  I mean, I use to say, “Like, she was all” and “Like, I know.” :-) (Okay, back in the early 80’s) And I also understand that our expression is telling a lot to ourselves and to the universe about who we are, what we are, and what we want.  The word apology by definition means to express regret or remorse for having failed or injured another.  I’d rather reserve the “I’m sorry” for when a real apology is appropriate and needed.

You might be thinking this is kind of silly and it doesn’t mean anything or you could do an experiment with me for the next 2-3 days and see how often you say, “I’m Sorry” or “sorry.”  How many times that you say it, is it truly merited, or are you just filling in space where there might not be any words needed?  Oooh, the uncomfortable silent pause.  That’s what it might feel like.

Let’s do it and report back, please!

For your consideration…

 

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