5 – Listening

Are you listening inside to the voice that speaks within you?  Do you hear it calling you forward or trying to share with you something it wants you to know?  Sometimes when we aren’t listening the information will come through in physical ways.  Our body will have parts with discomfort or tightness or anxiety or just more energy.  Information will come to us to support us, to offer an opportunity to pause and listen.  If we haven’t quite exercised this muscle, this information can come in less subtle ways.  It may be a car comes out of no where and we are alerted quickly calling us forward to pay attention or someone walking in front of us is too slow – might not mean they are slow, it may mean we need to slow down.

This past year I have been focused on connecting more deeply to my inner knowing, my intuition.  I knew when I ventured into this intention it would be a lot about quieting down, shushing the noise around my head and sometimes my heart to really hear what was at my core.  It has been extraordinary to experience quieting and listening then hearing and feeling and then knowing.  We all have an inner guide, compass, barometer, that is steering us, directing us, and informing us of when, where, and with whom we will join.  I sometimes joke that I fall asleep in my head – that I forget I have this skill, this muscle and that I know how to use it.  I may be experiencing something that is uncomfortable and look only at the symptom rather than the cause.  I can get busy being distracted focusing on the way I “feel” rather than pausing, placing a little space between what I am “feeling” and where it may be coming from.  When I get clear that my intention is to listen and to hear, the clarity comes forward immediately, just as quickly as these words stream from my consciousness to this page.

For example, earlier I was feeling some tightness in my upper back between my shoulder blades.  I don’t feel this symptom often and it was uncomfortable.  I decided to ask my body what was this physical feeling attempting to tell me and immediately, “open, open your heart” came forward.  I have been quite inward the last five days.  I needed to do this to take care of myself and this physical symptom brought forward the inquiry and now the realization.  When this message came forward I identified with it straight away.

The tightness which also means constriction or contraction felt like a metaphor for the closed off way of being I have been in.  I realized in that moment it was time to let that go and to open my heart – to share my heart more openly and actively.  It was time to come out from under my solitude.  In that listening, I derived this information.  It resonated within me – the inner knowing, I spoke of earlier.  I could hear the message because I trust my intuition.  All of this because I have chosen to quiet within, to pause, and to listen.  To be my own healer.

We have this capacity if we trust and explore.  It’s that or I could have griped about the feeling, perhaps let it be the reason I become snippy, and even take a muscle relaxer to quell the symptom.  You decide.  My path worked for me.  The tightness has dissipated, my heart is opening, I am looking forward to sharing it more tomorrow with whomever I am in contact with, and I have deepened in the knowing that I can listen within, empower myself, and take care.

For your consideration…

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6 – Goodness

imageThere is so much goodness in the world, aka., LOVE!  My neighbor learned of my little health thing and stint in the hospital and a few hours later, she, her lovely husband, and their delicious puppy, Star, bring me over this array of delights and beautiful flowers.  My goodness, my heart skipped a beat.  I was so deeply touched by this act and I received it with grace. :-)

I share this for, well, obvious reasons.  I mean look at that pic again.  So darn good. Right?!?  And also to share that I had a little health thing that didn’t go the way the Docs expected it to and hence I had to stay overnight at Cedars.  It was not so much fun, experiencing my first overnight stay at a hospital where I was the one in the bed with tubes in my arms.  (At least it wasn’t tubes up my nose…that ones for you Gramps!)  There is more there and the good news is that I am okay, nothing life threatening.  The challenging news is that I am still not through this jaunt and it touches on so many vulnerable and sensitive issues.  I approached this with high optimism.  I really had no reason to think it wouldn’t go as planned and where I landed was in a pause, drugged up, not myself, and alone – as I had set it up.  I did feel a lot of support and love from those that I shared this with and the piece that was really tough was just being in it with me.  All in all, it was just fine.  And I learned more about myself.  I am a private person.  Who knew?  The verbal processor that shares her heart on a daily basis handles private stuff private.  Although at times I felt scared, giving my self space allowed me the dignity of my own process.

Being able to receive as I mentioned briefly in my last post is what brought me to this one. This beautiful gesture of care, concern, and Love from my neighbors was just wonderful, in every way.  I was ready to receive more today and quite frankly when they showed up at my doorstep there was no turning back.  I am grateful, so darn grateful, for goodness like this that I get to participate in, witness and in this case receive.  Grateful, indeed.





8 – Love II

Source: kewple.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

Oh, Pablo, how I love thee.

Mr Neruda has an enduring lock on the words of love.  Each time I read one of his poems I am reminded of the sweetness, the Divinity and the deep sensual nature that love is.  He inspires me to remember that this kind of love, which he speaks of here, is awaiting me.  I am so grateful and my heart is open.

I know with every fiber of my being that love like this is available to each of us and more than once in our lifetime.  What’s important is recognizing it, even if it’s no longer present. Because in the recognition we can steep in the knowing that we are loved and more importantly, that we are Love.

For your consideration…

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9 – Vulnerability

Choosing to really be open and vulnerable, to share something that is a risk is a new place for me.  I have been holding the belief that because I am such an open person often sharing myself, that meant I was vulnerable.  And for some individuals that may be the case.  I see now that for me that is me just being me.  I am a verbal processor.  I learn by talking it out, often hearing myself out loud speak about whatever is present for me.  I may share more openly than others and for me, there hasn’t really been a vulnerability marker in that, until recently.

Most recently, I have been willing to acknowledge and share the riskier stuff, the deeper hurts, limiting beliefs or fears that I am experiencing.  It is definitely scary, to be so raw, to expose myself to another or better yet to hear myself acknowledge what I am aware of.  I know there is power in the awareness and it is also scary – at least at first.  Then it can be a relief and cleansing.

In the past I would share details and as I shared them I would have all the answers or I would share with confidence that I understood what all of it meant or I would even convince myself or whoever I was speaking with that I was okay with it.  I can now call “bullshit” on myself.  Many times, I hadn’t even dug deep enough into the root of it to be okay with anything.

Today, I am focused on creating my own business, becoming an entrepreneur and sharing publicly that my intention is to coach others, among a few other things. :-)  I have been challenged and tested on each of those intentions.  I am being faced with all the reasons why I haven’t created them so far – belief in myself, a sense of unworthiness or a lack of confidence that others may not see my offering as valuable or whatever other negative, contracting, fear-based feeling that can come forward.  And you know what?  This is all part of the process.  The only way I will be able to be successful in my intentions is if I walk through the before steps.  And it is precisely because of these heartfelt dreams and my willingness and drive to go for them, that I will heal and remove these barriers for the last time.

I felt inspired to share about vulnerability because I saw it so beautifully demonstrated before my eyes this evening.  I attended an event where a gentleman stood up and shared what I know was a huge, honest, and vulnerable sharing for him.  It touched me and it reminded me of my current journey and the work of Brene Brown in her book Daring Greatly.  Here is a quick video of her and Oprah discussing how vulnerability is the gateway to courage.

For your consideration…

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11 – Love I

gratitude picThis image and words of Rumi remind me of the Love that I am consciously deepening in with myself.  I have come to understand and believe that all that I feel, in every moment, is in direct relationship to the Love that I am experiencing with myself.  If I am embracing who I am, being gentle and kind with myself, accepting my choices and letting it all be okay, I experience grace and ease.  I feel lighter, see brighter and feel at peace.  If on the other hand, I fall asleep in my head :-) and forget that I can do this and choose this and I awaken feeling tired and grumpy and I judge that because I wanted to feel a different way when I woke up, then chances are the person driving in front of me isn’t doing it right.  I am keenly aware of how it’s tough to find parking on my street and that train of thinking ensues.

It’s that simple.

I am not saying it is always simple to make the choice.  I am saying it is simply about how much Love will I share with myself that day.  Love makes all the difference.  When I choose into the Love, I am essentially emancipated from the self-doubt, from fear, and the notion that I am in control and need to hold tight to that.  When that awareness of surrender is in me, I am empowered, enormously creative, joyful and my energy is magnetic – meaning it is reflected back to me in all those I encounter and that is amazing.  That is Love.

What’s is gonna be for you today?

For your consideration…

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Where is he?

I keep wondering where is he?  When will he pop into my life? Where will I meet him?  Do I already know him? Could it be possible? I don’t think so, for some reason.  Just a hunch.
I have been single for about four years and it is probably the longest time I have gone without a boyfriend since I was fourteen.  At first it was kind of nice, then it was kind of sad, then lonely and now it is actually just fine.  I still feel lonely sometimes but I also really enjoy my life and my time.  I always knew it in theory but really hadn’t experienced a true sense of self and fulfillment on my own until the last year and a half.  It feels really good, content, graceful almost, to be happy and single.
I do however, think about when I will meet him.  Sometimes it could be that while I am reading the NYTimes on Sunday with my big cup of coffee that he were some where near fighting me for the business section (i would have given him the sports and automobile sections from the start).  Or that he was real close snuggling me in the middle of the cool night.  Or perhaps we are catching up while I cook something yummy for dinner.  All that sounds good, right?  I think so too.  I am patient.  Ok, not really but I have gotten good at it.  Being patient that is and having faith that it will happen.  There are so many good moments and much of them I really want to share with him.  That’s where I am at.  It’s all good.

But I wonder, where is he?

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