8
July

In the way

Are you in the way?

Come on. Somewhere, you are in your own way.

And where might you be holding a place in someone else’s way? Someone you love. Someone you compete with inside yourself or someone you compare yourself to and where you have made up some cockamamie story that they have something you don’t or should have.

Where are you using someone else’s life or your perception thereof as an excuse to be in your own way?

Where are you in the way?

In the way of your life, of your dreams, of experiencing the fullness of you, of your God-given destiny?  Where have you exchanged that gift for a lesser, easier, more comfortable version of life because it’s the road more traveled, it’s familiar, it’s less likely to cause any ruckus or draw attention to you. You are used to it.

Where are you making stuff up inside your head impeding your connection, your direct and Divine connection to your Heart?

What’s the place where you so easily block yourself? Whats the spot you call your weakness? Your vulnerability?

It just may be your portal through.

Find it. Call it. Know it.

And shine the LIGHT all over it.

Pray. Meditate. Get quiet near it and ask for help.

A coach, therapist, a good listening friend.

God. He/She’s there. Any time.

The way is clear.

Anytime you are ready.

The way can be made clear.

For your consideration…

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9
June

Excavation

I don’t like to be advice giving but there are things I am going to write about in this blog that may sound so. We are all in choice, so just remember that I know this.

You have to be willing to go deep, go under the layers, look behind, underneath, deeper, or even further out, if you really want to know yourself. I am not saying you all need to do this or it’s imperative for one to know oneself. However if you have any strands within you that match mine, this is true for you too.

There are so many layers to us and I am not just speaking about layers that come with time on the planet and life experience, or our personality, or stories of heart break, or even behavior patterns. There are depths that come from prior to us even arriving here. Don’t ask me to explain that; I am not there yet. And I know it’s true. At least for me it is.

My point being, we are dynamic, multi-faceted, energy infused miracles of Light and there is so much more to every single one of us then meets the eye. Or ear for that matter. It’s a wonderland, truly. Who we are. If we choose to see it that way.

I am an excavator. I like to dig and learn, and dig some more. Not just about me. For sure. I should have been an anthropologist. We are so interesting. Even those of us that think for sure we are not. There are layers awaiting excavation.

The point of this post is to call this out. Highlight it. Champion it. Because I want to. And also because I am in a really interesting place, where I have space, and time and I like to excavate. Sometimes I can use the findings against myself but I am happy to note that I have learned a few things from a few smart people that have taught me that I also have dominion and discernment. I can choose to receive learnings in the spirit of Loving and appreciating myself more or I can go another path. I have spent many a year down the other path – the self-improvement path, which often came with an obsession of needing to be better or just someone other than who I am. And that’s okay too. It’s all about the learning. I am just more aware now that the excavation doesn’t need to be about rejecting myself, rather about deepening in my conscious connection with who I am and why I am here.

I am excavating a bit right now.

I am learning things about myself that I didn’t know. I am learning that I want to be seen and heard. Not in an egotistical way, rather, in a way that uses my special powers for good. I am learning that I don’t care so much what everyone thinks. I have just carried that belief around for so long that I thought it was still true for me. I am learning that I can change a life long habit through choice and literally placing myself in and out of situations that support that, over and over again.  I am learning that I don’t need to explain myself to anyone. I am learning that I came here to do deep and profound work on knowing my Soul. I don’t know why that is, I just know that it is.

I am excavating and learning. It’s a good thing.

For your consideration…

2 comments

3
June

Finding the Blessing in Vertigo…

This past Sunday after I got myself to the beautiful sands of Santa Monica, I turned my head to grab something out of my bag and when I turned back it seemed the world was spinning around me. I knew this feeling. Back in 2004, I had a 5 day bout with vertigo that rocked me to the core. At that time, it was never really clear where it came from because I hadn’t had a cold or any infections to speak of.  After spending three days not being able to do much because I was walking into walls, I got myself to the emergency room where they eventually released me with anti-nausea and anti-dizzy medications. I experienced a few more small incidences over the years but none quite like that time nor the space I am encountering now.

When I experienced this at the beach this past Sunday my first thought was waiting to see if it would pass. Kind of like when an earthquake hits us here in Los Angeles, I wait to see if I need to hustle my butt to a door frame for safety. Well, I waited and it appeared the feeling of sensing I was on a boat and not on steady ground did not seem to pass. I had only arrived at the beach about 20 minutes prior so I contemplated if I should leave or attempt to enjoy a few hours of sun and blue sea. The idea of moving didn’t appeal to me due to my phobia of nausea so I stayed for a bit.  I even turned over – you know, the objective of achieving the even tan, and that lasted for a little over an hour.  I eventually got myself up and very carefully and slowly got dressed, and walked myself through the sand back to my car. I felt like an alien in my body.

I am not sure how but I safely drove myself home taking quieter, less active streets. When I arrived home, I laid down on my sofa and began contemplating the meaning and purpose of this experience. I felt a sense of peace and resolve. This has really never been my reaction when ever feeling nausea let alone feeling out of control of my body and physical experience. I felt this knowing that it was a message and my willingness and ability to receive that was important.

In the past, I have often rejected discomfort or things occurring that I didn’t plan for or want to be experiencing and despite this definitely being uncomfortable, I just went with it. And I still am. I discovered today that I do have some liquid behind my inner ear – no infection. However the liquid may be causing the imbalance.  After some swimming last week in a heated pool and lots of hot yoga, I believe I am a bit dehydrated and maybe a little run down. I am so used to pushing, doing, and always going that it still stumps me when my body is seeking rest. I create time for exercise, meditation, and other self-care regimes so I just didn’t see this one coming. However, that sense of calm that came when laying on the beach feeling the earth spinning was my Inner Knowing saying, “hey, girl, this is for you.” I know that may sound crazy like why would having vertigo be for you, and the truth is I am not completely clear exactly why but here is what I have come up with so far.

– You are in an awesome place of transition and transformation. Coming into balance with ALL of who you are is a beautiful gift for stepping into what is next.

– You often think you need to do it all by yourself.  Well you need to eat and you cannot drive so opening yourself up to the Love and assistance of your friends is available right now.

– When you don’t feel good inside you sometimes look to others to “help you feel better.” Here is your opportunity to show up for yourself, love yourself despite how you FEEL. (Take dominion.)

– You ego likes to control things and outcomes. How about if you just be in this place of unknowing and experience not knowing with a little Grace? Perform an experiment like the smart social scientist that you are.

And there are others. The message being there is meaning in all that occurs and we decide, I decide, when to look at it and when to overlook it. And we (I) also decide when to use it for our Selves or against ourselves.

With the assistance of some Loving friends, funny text messages, inspiring en*theos videos, and a deep connection to Spirit, I am going with this one…For me.

For your consideration…

2 comments

30
May

Light!

“Sending Light.”  “So much Light!”  “I am sending Light ahead.”

What do I mean by this?

Short version: I am offering up a blessing of Love.

Longer version: In the last few years I have adopted these phrases and I often share them with my loved ones, those that know exactly what I am referencing and those that don’t. Initially, I would catch myself prior to saying, so as not to confuse someone or be asked to explain what I meant.  I didn’t want to be misunderstood and I also didn’t really want to explain why I was saying the word “light” or what I meant by it.  I hoped the way I shared and the moments I chose to share, it would be fairly self explanatory where I was coming from.  Plus we all have an idea of what Light means – at least in the literal sense. Light is bright, illuminating, a form of energy.

Soon, I decided not to worry about being misunderstood, trusting my intention and knowing it would shine through whenever I expressed it. And pretty soon my loved ones that weren’t already saying it themselves, were now reflecting it back to me.  It’s really quite wonderful, language, and how we use it to communicate. It goes to show that the listening behind what is being said is really where the understanding comes from.

So, I want to share a little bit more about what Light is…for me.

Light is spiritual.  Light is Love.  Light is God.  Light is prayer.  Light is calling forward the energy of the Precious Presence or the perfection of Love that is available to any of us at any time.  Light is Joy.  Light is goodwill.  Light is a blessing.  Light is the power of the holy spirit, the universe, God, whatever higher power any of us choose to call home.  Light is available.  If we choose to see it and call on it.

When I express my blessings of Light, I am saying that my Loving and heartfelt attention is calling on, asking for, and offering an intention of Grace, Ease, Expansion, Healing, Divinity, Wholeness, Radiance…you get the picture, to be sent directly to you or the situation.  This is my prayer.

For  your consideration.

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12
July

Trust vs. Fear

My sweet friend reflected to me today that I am doing a trust walk in my life right now. I thought to myself, “yeah, feels more like a trust run!” I am wanting to run to the finish line to keep from feeling the discomfort of the fear and unknown. I bounce between trust and fear it seems, by the hour. I experience total acceptance and confidence in myself and in what lies ahead and then fear sets in and I have these mini panic attacks..where trust, faith, and belief allude me. Of course, I could also bucket it within my mind and say “reason sets in.” And maybe that is partially true but I’ve never gone about things the way most do. I take risks. Sometimes big ones and they don’t always pan out. But I learn and I have no regrets. (Ok, there is one and I will write about that soon.)

Anyways, the motivation for this post is just to call it out for what it is: trust, fear, reason, risk, success, failure or all of the above. My intention is to remember to be in it. To respect the process and to stay awake to the beauty of it all. I’m alive. I’m blessed. I’m in choice and I’m aware of all of that. When I sink back into the fear, my intention is to feel that too. There is no need to reject it. It only holds me more deeply when I do.

Do you know what I mean?

Are you letting fear hold you back in someway because when it’s present you reject it, ignore it or better yet distract yourself from feeling it by engaging in some other behavior that isn’t necessarily serving you? (Unconscious eating, internet mind numbing or TV engrossment?)

I get it. Doing it or done, all the above.

And I’m just putting it out there.

For your consideration…

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10
July

Early Morning Moments

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I’ve been aware for a long time that mornings (and the earlier the better) can be exquisite. There is such opportunity to be had in the morning. Sometimes that might mean super early depending upon what goes on in your life. My intention is to create the space where my life fits in more early morning moments…like these. Grateful.

Elizabeth Gilbert writes about the beauty of her mornings here. Inspired.

For your consideration…

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8
July

Silence

I’ve become more and more aware of the beauty and joy of silence. It is in the pure silence that I have experienced such utter peace or what I sense peace feels like. The silence of no negative self talk or the pesky gremlin questioning my choices or the old, old, old voice almost feels like from another life (call me woo woo if you like) that likes to make me wrong about a lot of things. I don’t think I am alone in this way or somehow especially special. I do know that for as long as I can remember, I’ve been on an introspective discovery of living. When my friends were reading or rather not reading in high school, I was reading M. Scott Peck’s, The Road Less Traveled. I got heckled about my “self-help” interests but I was seeking understanding. Whatever that looks like at 16 years of age. Now I am beginning to understand that my mind will never stop desiring to understand. What I was seeking (and often still do) through the understanding, is peace. And I’m learning more and more each day that peace is in my heart and the way to my heart often is silence. When there’s no words needed to fill a moment just the experience. When the voices I mentioned above are on hiatus. When I’m observing myself in neutrality (yes, that is possible). That silence is perfection and it provides a direct access to my heart in the purest state.

For your consideration…

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2
July

Who are you?

Have you ever really asked yourself this question?

I participated in a workshop this past weekend that was life transforming. I experienced a knowing of who I am in a way I never have before. It was profound and beautiful. I am just letting it assimilate in my consciousness. So that is all I can really clearly articulate about the experience.

However, I wanted to share a little experiment that anyone can do. If you were to sit in a comfortable space, close your eyes, maybe light a candle to clear the energy where you’re sitting and put your hand on your heart. If that sounds strange just remember we’re doing an experiment. With your eyes closed and your hand on your heart, ask yourself, Who Am I? (You can say it silently or out loud whichever works for you…remember it’s an experiment.)

Pause.

Listen inside.

Hear the response in your consciousness.

And repeat this for about 10 minutes.

As you go through this experiment be aware of how you feel in your body and what is coming forward. No evaluation or judging is necessary here. Just be in neutral observation of what comes forward when you ask yourself the question, Who Am I?

After about 10 minutes (you can use your phone as a timer) write down in a journal or on a piece of paper what came forward.

Sit with that for awhile and see where this experiment into your heart took you.

Were there any surprises? Maybe something came forward you haven’t thought of for awhile? An expression of yourself you haven’t given permission to for some time?

Just be with this fresh insight and consider taking one action step that will bring you closer to expressing more of who you truly are.

Come on! No one else can do you like you! And, the world needs more of you being authentically YOU!

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1
July

July 1

There is something about this July 1 and it being on a Monday that really feels like a fresh start. I love fresh starts. It might be an illusion AND it works. Don’t you feel on Mondays it’s like a new beginning? I suppose if your not thrilled with your job, it won’t emote exactly what I’m speaking to and yet it is a fresh start.

Being that it is July 1, which is exactly one half of the year, there is a fresh start to the second half of the year. Anything special you’d like to experience this year? Now is a great time to declare it…whatever it is. You’ve got 6 whole months to make it happen. They say September is the “new” new year. Maybe July 1 is really the “new” new year. Independence day is just a few moments away. Why not? We’ve got red, white and blue party streamers waiting to celebrate.

It may have been a Pollyanna moment. Nonetheless I felt called to share it in case any of you are feeling kinda crappy about something you still haven’t done that you’ve been meaning to do. I know how that goes. The good news? It’s the new new years and now is your chance to make it happen.

All of this to translate: stop talking about it and do it or just stop talking about it. Maybe you aren’t supposed to do it.

Be good to you!

(A good friend says this to me almost every time we’re about to part ways. It’s a really nice reminder of how I can choose to be with myself!)

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29
April

5 – Listening

Are you listening inside to the voice that speaks within you?  Do you hear it calling you forward or trying to share with you something it wants you to know?  Sometimes when we aren’t listening the information will come through in physical ways.  Our body will have parts with discomfort or tightness or anxiety or just more energy.  Information will come to us to support us, to offer an opportunity to pause and listen.  If we haven’t quite exercised this muscle, this information can come in less subtle ways.  It may be a car comes out of no where and we are alerted quickly calling us forward to pay attention or someone walking in front of us is too slow – might not mean they are slow, it may mean we need to slow down.

This past year I have been focused on connecting more deeply to my inner knowing, my intuition.  I knew when I ventured into this intention it would be a lot about quieting down, shushing the noise around my head and sometimes my heart to really hear what was at my core.  It has been extraordinary to experience quieting and listening then hearing and feeling and then knowing.  We all have an inner guide, compass, barometer, that is steering us, directing us, and informing us of when, where, and with whom we will join.  I sometimes joke that I fall asleep in my head – that I forget I have this skill, this muscle and that I know how to use it.  I may be experiencing something that is uncomfortable and look only at the symptom rather than the cause.  I can get busy being distracted focusing on the way I “feel” rather than pausing, placing a little space between what I am “feeling” and where it may be coming from.  When I get clear that my intention is to listen and to hear, the clarity comes forward immediately, just as quickly as these words stream from my consciousness to this page.

For example, earlier I was feeling some tightness in my upper back between my shoulder blades.  I don’t feel this symptom often and it was uncomfortable.  I decided to ask my body what was this physical feeling attempting to tell me and immediately, “open, open your heart” came forward.  I have been quite inward the last five days.  I needed to do this to take care of myself and this physical symptom brought forward the inquiry and now the realization.  When this message came forward I identified with it straight away.

The tightness which also means constriction or contraction felt like a metaphor for the closed off way of being I have been in.  I realized in that moment it was time to let that go and to open my heart – to share my heart more openly and actively.  It was time to come out from under my solitude.  In that listening, I derived this information.  It resonated within me – the inner knowing, I spoke of earlier.  I could hear the message because I trust my intuition.  All of this because I have chosen to quiet within, to pause, and to listen.  To be my own healer.

We have this capacity if we trust and explore.  It’s that or I could have griped about the feeling, perhaps let it be the reason I become snippy, and even take a muscle relaxer to quell the symptom.  You decide.  My path worked for me.  The tightness has dissipated, my heart is opening, I am looking forward to sharing it more tomorrow with whomever I am in contact with, and I have deepened in the knowing that I can listen within, empower myself, and take care.

For your consideration…

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